Yes, you read right. See, sometimes fucked-up covers just sprout up of an artist's own volition and, in the best-case scenario, the performer has no idea that people will think it's completely wack. Other times, some brilliant [?] label rep or producer gets a bee in his or her bonnet to purposely create what they believe will become a CD full of outsider art by getting artists to agree to record songs or create musical (and I use that term loosely) partnerships no one would see coming. Um, yeah. I'm not sure that's how it works, fellas. But if you can get past how much the resulting tracks smack of effort, you'll find they're pretty par for the course in Bizarre Coverland. Still, why anyone who would set out to purposely create something that's not very good is somewhat beyond me, Ryan Adams aside, of course. (What's that you say? He doesn't know he sucks? Damn, that doesn't seem possible, but I digress.) I'll let you be the judge: If this song fell in the woods, would you hear it?
As anyone who's found themselves at a gay bar at 4 a.m. pulsating to a covered and/or remixed version of "Candle in the Wind (Goodbye England's Rose)" can tell you, nothing is sacred in the realm of dance music. This track is further evidence. Sure, "Bicycle Race" isn't an austere masterpiece beyond musical reproach, by any means, but it's always a bit disconcerting when a German-TV-host-turned-pop-star uses the work of people with considerably more talent to add a few more deutschmarks to her bank account. (This was pre-euro, you understand.) Eh, who am I kidding? I'm not bitter. I love shit like this. Why else would I be here writing about it? When I'm already in the process of doing something productive and this hits my shuffle play, I find myself happily singing along and moving significantly faster. This begs the question, of course, why hasn't Brooke Burke or Jules Asner put out a few dance cover tracks yet? Just imagine how clean my dishes would be!